Lovepal Bill : For the Corrupt Dil :)
Asha Bhonsle & Parveen Babi sang it right -way back in 1982:-
Jawaani jaan-e-man haseen dilruba
Milein do dil jawaan nisaar ho gaya
Shikaari khud yahaan shikaar ho gaya
Yeh kya sitam huwa
Yeh kya zulam huwa
Yeh kya ghazab huwa
Yeh kaise kab huwa
Na jaanoon main na jaane woh, AAha…
(Repeat this AAha.. in your mind ; with a painful sound emerging from your very lower abdomen .
OK Let us practice – ‘AAha…’ )
The most primitive human instincts have been – competition and mind-romance. Hindi movies have complicated our lives because we want to play the characters. I see almost every guy somewhere enacting the dialogues / style / vibes of the trending actors (a Raj or a Rahul). Girls look more mired in Bollywood /Hollywood/ FB / TV trends than even guys. The situation has got more complicated with the ‘Communication Revolution’ bringing in ‘a splendid display of emotions’ possible. Some of the FB messages that I read recently were:-
- ‘Letters start with ‘abc’, numbers start with 123, music starts with ‘do re mi’ and love starts with you and me. ♥ ♥’
- And she said “ you are crazy” and I said “just for you baby”
- The day I met you was my favorite accident and even today I love those injuries. (self sadism)
- I feel very lucky when I am with you. (Kyun Bhai- woh Lux cozi hai kya? Making you feel ‘Apna Luck pehan ke chalo! :) )
- My love for you is like a rose with thorns. I hold you, knowing you will hurt me. But I am willing to bleed for you. (Haw Ji )
People are living two lives – one on the FB ; and the other – whatever little remains from FB. I really don’t understand how people can love Facebook and Twitter so much. They will never love you back. DONT YOU GET IT!
Further – Email enabled mobile phones, Free SMS services , late night calling free (Get an Idea) , 3G and whatever G (you know what ). Ladki wait karti hai kab gyaarah bajenge aur kab Night Calling free hogi aur kab JAANU mera number milaayenge..Gyaarah Bajte hain and the phone rings and the girl screams. “Hi jaaaaaaan!!! Love you Muaaah…AUR BATAAO”… Kuch baat hi nahi hai karne ko toh aur kya batayega bechaara. . When there’s nothing to talk, I have seen
couples talking about how many chappatis they ate today and compared the numbers with their ex!! His only hope remains that his Jaanu will one day learns from Deepika Padukone and says at least once – ‘Seedhay Point pe aao naa’… And there can be nothing worse that a couple who loves to kiss on phone. You will get to listen to a variety of sounds; the weirdest being the sound of a hose pipe being sucked out of the tap. What ??? And why ?? Alexander Graham Bell must have been suffering a heart attack again and again even after dying – looking at the use; his fabulous invention is being put to.
Then those auspicious festivals and days – Rose day , Gobhi day – so many days. The girl and the boy meet at some place and click photos for FB… Angrez ki Aulaads! And the best part is after wasting all the time they then wait for the comments for which they refresh their homepage every 10 seconds. Some cool mutual friend Raghvan ‘cool biceps’ Malhotra will comment: Hey broda! Lukin cute mahn…sitin at CCD na? 6 people like this. !! All of it leads to we spending loads of energy -telling the world that I am a ‘Freak’ & a ‘Cool’ guy / girl? Such a waste of time, energy & your own electricity!
Hindi movies create a need that ‘every guy / girl is in a relationship and it will be so unfashionable if I am not into’. Everyone has a bf / gf– if I don’t have I will be so stupid. Saala koi aas paas bachtaa hee nahin hai jo kahe ki – ‘you can do without a bf / gf ‘.
“To wear your heart on your sleeve isn’t a very good plan; You should wear it inside, where it functions best.”
People falling in love from a distance on the basis of FB status updates and pics is nothing but testosteronic love ; which will vaporize with the next available chance / point of catharsis. Actually the genesis of this is –‘boys fall in love with Adobe Photoshop’. The girl who actually looks like Johnny Lever, with the help of photoshop , now, looks like a cheap version of Sherlyn Chopra and what exactly a boy wants! BANG!! Yaad rakhiye – “ FB ke profile picture aur profile ke owner ke asli chehre mein aksar door door tak koi rishta nahi hota”
‘I don’t care ‘who you are’, ‘where you are from’, ‘what you do’; as long as you Love me’– the hot favorite song by Backstreet Boys is not applicable these days. The present version is, ‘I care, who you are, where you are from, what you did, who cares if you love me’- the hot favorite song not from Backstreet Boys but EveryStreet Boys! If any of the partners in love is not doing too well in his /her other life (social, academic, career, finance) – the chance is the relationship will begin to show cracks soon. Kyunki aaj kal Izzat pyaar se badhkar hai..Pyaar ko gaali dena,Izzat ko nahi..:)
Har pyaar ko pareeksha se guzarana padta hai. The board exams of so called true Love begin – when they end up in the bed. As you sit for more papers; your interest towards class 10th begins to diminish; by the time you reach the 5th paper –you have already started thinking of class 11th …And eventually u start thinking about B TECH.
Every love changes; once it happens. Baad mein ‘kuch kuch hona’ band ho jaata hai aur ‘ kuch bhi nahin hota’ hai! Familiarity breeds contempt. Your attraction for anything that you achieve is bound to come down. And if in today’s world – you are getting options,( which then actually seem good even if they aren’t ) and if you still are not engaged legally *(because the grass is greener ) – you are bound to graze the grass on the other side. Goes an old joke: – ‘Why do doctors advise heart patients to have sex with their own girlfriend / wife: – Because there is no damn risk of getting excited’.
Then the break up happens in the Ekta Kapoor way. Chewing gum
kee tarah kheench kheench kar emotional melodrama peak pe hota hai tab. You begin liking songs as ‘Naina lagiyaan baarishaan te sukkey sukkey sapney bhi Bhij gaye’ . Reason: – ‘Mind loves negativity’. FB statues change to something like :- ‘Tujhe Bhula Diya…’ and 5 friends who know whatever happened between the two you – ‘LIKE’ that status. That is the awwwww-ish time of life. Even the Aaloo ka parantha that you are eating in the breakfast seems to say awwwww at your condition and ‘pickle and curd likes it’ !!
I genuinely empathize with the species ‘Breakup non-sapience’; who are mired in an udaasi / boredom / diljale situation of an indescribable kind. ‘Zameen se ugti hai ya aasman se aati hai .. Ye be iraada udaasi kahan se aati hai’. If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis”.
Most relationships break / go wrong because; at the outset they start with the wrong person because you didn’t wait for your right man / woman & just let the next happening happen to you … Guys / Girls fail to generate / sustain love amongst their family because of which they so much get wanting of ‘Emotional dependence’ on people outside of home & they just end up having someone at that place. I see so many many young lives just ‘stuck up’ in boring relationships. They do not even have the guts / creativity to either better the relationship out or to get out of it.
An old hindi song beautifully says :- ‘Wo Afsaana jise anjaam taq laana naa ho mumkin ; usay aek khoobsurat mod dekar chodna achaa..’
But then wait – the moment you break up – ‘The next one is waiting to happen’. And trust me – ‘you’ll love him/ her similarly, truly, madly and deeply’… before saying ‘AAhaa…’ . See what Liz Hurley is doing…After breaking up with Arun Nayar ,she fell in love with Shane Warne, and she says-“I have never felt like this before..” Bhool gayi ek saal pehle Arun ke saath bhi aisa hi laga tha…Hamein yaad hai!!Tum kaise bhool gayi??.. . After all, relationships are like shampoos. Readily available today in ‘sachet packs’
This is the first in the series of 5 articles on Relationships in modern times. The remaining 4 should be more constructive than this one . Coming next :-
- ‘Signs – When you MUST break up’
- ‘How to practically FIX UP your Life after that BREAK UP’
- ‘Rishtey’ ….
- ‘PYAR – Prepare yourself for Adjustments in Relationships’
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Akash does a crazy event titled ‘PYAR – Prepare yourself for Adjustments in Relationships’.